Applying for JMS2

It was not worth it and is not over until is really over,the feel that I'm feeling about this is very indescribable and undefinable, right now i have no power,no strength and nothing is just me myself and i, tell me what it is. Hopefully this whole of thing is getting up to me right now is right in my and the is nothing i can do and prove to show the world that is what i need in life. Oh tell you something i was very happy today when my mother called me and very energise, but now is all gone, i feel all alone. i have like i don't fit among them,i feel like I'm slow for them and i feel I'm very way too under them and that is why I'm part them. it feels like they don't see me, I'm too dump for them but is okay, i understand because they are too smart, intelligence and genius. My people life is not an easy journey at all and i know that somewhere i belong but where i don't know.
I have putting my hopes high for nothing, okay i don't know what is going to happen but my life is a mess right now, I'm in deep deep dark where know one can light me up but i know that the world is not for permanent but i feel like i was here forever. In situation like that i don't have the shoulder to cry on, i don't have some to rely on as my support of system or anything else. I'm big girl i will be okay but NO I"M NOT who am i fooling, my last term is going to be the hard one i saw, the time is not on my side, I'm too emotional this days i don't whats wrong with me, it seems like I'm 8 yrs old, is not normal at all, what is next to me it hurt me so much and deeply I'm so not connected with me, my life is based on things that i want to achieve and that ones i don't t want in my life. this too much this so much i cannot take it no more can somebody pinch me.

i need somebody to tell me is going to be okay just keep your head up and stand tall and push what you always wanted but how, how, how?. while i know that my effort is almost gone i need a savour, to rescue me from drowning to what i have put myself though, tough choice - lead to tough life. Be strong and live by the present because is no longer will to live or die. The question is am i happy with i have so far, Am i satisfied with what i got so far and the last one what is going to make me happy and satisfied if not I am not with what i have.